Amazing Grace By Dorothy Snelson
I should have been Mary. I didn’t want to be a star or an angel and I definitely didn’t want to be a camel. Mum said it was because I wear specs and Mary didn’t. That doesn’t make sense because camels don’t wear specs either. I think the reason Cindy Hetherington is Mary is because her dad’s a school governor. I told my dad that and he said that if he ever managed to get a job where he was home before seven thirty then he might have time for all that malarkey.
The worst thing is I’m Balthazar’s camel. Joey Aspinall is Balthazar and he’s the meanest boy in class. Why couldn’t I have been Melchior’s camel ‘cos that’s Andrew. He’s dishy. Joey keeps calling me The Hump and threatening to beat me with his staff. If this was the real world instead of Nativity Land I’d report him to the RSPCA for cruelty to camels. One good thing though, that stuck up Geraldine Mather, who’s such a goody goody and top of the class, well she’s a camel too. She made such a fuss. She was crying and screaming that no way was she going to be a camel. Miss took no notice of her and just said that she must learn humility. I’d never heard of humility but I think it must be something like Algebra or French that you perhaps do at secondary school.
Anyway it’s the day of the actual Nativity and we are all waiting to get changed into our costumes. The head teacher is coming into the room and telling our teacher that Cindy Hetherington has gone down with a tummy bug and won’t be able to take part.
‘You will need her stand-in, Miss Taylor,’ he says.
Teacher looks worried.
‘That was Davina and she wasn’t in school yesterday. Her mum rang to say she had a heavy cold but was hoping to be here today. She rang again this morning to say that she was no better. There’s nothing for it Mr Grimshaw. One of the other girls will have to dress up and play the part and I will have to say her lines from the wings.’
Already Geraldine has her hand up and is jigging up and down with excitement and chanting
‘Me Miss, me.’
Miss ignores her and looks straight at me.
‘Grace. You are Cindy’s size. You can take over the part and I’ll do the speaking.’
Joey is not happy.
‘What about my camel Miss? If she’s Mary I won’t have a camel.’
Miss pulls a face and sighs.
‘Well you’ll just have to walk Balthazar. You’ll have to practice humility like our good Lord Jesus did.’
There’s a lot of it about this humility. Teaching it. Practicing it. I think I’d better find out more about it if it’s so popular.
But not before I’ve starred as the best ever Mary in Brough Street Primary School’s greatest ever Nativity play.
Judges Comments
Dorothy Snelson's child's-eye view of a Nativity play in Amazing Grace, the winner of WM's competition for 500-word stories, is a comic delight.
Dorothy has successfully combined two things that offer serious challenges to writers: writing from a child's persepective and writing comedy. Amazing Grace is written with such a light touch that it feels effortless, but there's a great deal of skill involved in creating a credible first-person child narrator and making her the vehicle for beautifully placed observational and character-based humour.
Grace, the narrator, is a great character; a sharp-eyed, funny, noticing child who comes out with lines such as 'If this was the real world instead of Nativity Land I'd report him to the RSPCA for cruelty to camels.' But not only is Grace a wonderful creation in herself; she makes it possible for Dorothy to give another layer of comedy to the story through the reported observations of the adults. Much of the humour comes from the way Dorothy uses Grace's point of view to convey joyful snippets about her father's grumpy view on being a school governor ('if he ever managed to get a job where he was home before seven thirty he might have time for all that malarkey') and Miss and her views on practicing humility, which says a lot about the extent to which her patience is tried on a regular basis. Add the triumph-of-the-underdog dramatic arc that sees Grace, an unlikely candidate for the longed-for role of Mary in the school play, elevated from camel to leading lady and Dorothy has demonstrated how a mere 500 words can be packed with story, observation, incident and insights.
500 words is an ideal length for humour writing, meaning that the writer can set up the story and get the laughs without the comedy becoming laboured. There isn't a misplaced word in Amazing Grace, and because Dorothy draws you gently into seeing the story through Grace's eyes, it allows the humour to creep up on the reader and accumulate rather than drawing attention to itself. Amazing Grace works beautifully as a story that is funny – it is more layered and much more satisfying than simply a 'funny story'.
Also shortlisted were: Dominic Bell, Hull; Michael Callaghan, Glasgow; Jenni Clarke, Le Vaudioux, France; Colette Coen, Glasgow; Sadie Fleming, Battle, East Sussex; Ronnie Karadjov, Auckland, New Zealand; Zuzu La Djoi, Croydon; Emma J Myatt, Gourdon, Aberdeenshire; Nia Williams, Wrexham; Stephen Wright, Leicester.