Genre Mash-Up Short Story Competition - Winner

Linda slouched under the harsh fluorescent light, her pallid skin stretching into something almost resembling a smile as each new customer dumped their items in front of her. Her pudgy fingers grasped endless bags of potatoes and cans of ham and tubes of haemorrhoid cream as she flung them down to the bagging area, the unceasing bleep of the checkout boring into her eardrums.
‘Linda.’
Oh, no. Jason.
‘Linda, I know I’ve mentioned this before, but do you think you could look a bit happier? Research suggests that sales increase when...’
Linda stopped listening and stared at Jason’s sneering mouth, his crooked nose. He’d walked into the role of supermarket manager even though he was at least twenty years her junior and had no experience, and his air of superiority made her feel sick.
He eventually floated away to talk to the shelf stackers about finding their rhythm, and the grasping and bleeping and flinging resumed.
Linda trudged home the same as always; past the newsagents with the overpriced chewing gum and the pub that showed sports and the park that hadn’t been used since someone left a dog poo on a swing.
Reaching the top of the steps, she wearily fumbled through her handbag, eventually finding her key and jabbing it into the keyhole.
He was still in her flat, sitting in the dark, illuminated only by the glare from the street lamps below the window. She didn’t need to turn on the lights to see the blood stains on his shirt. He was such a messy eater.
She flicked the switch by the door and he recoiled. She looked at him in the light; the spiders scurrying across his face and into his flaming eye sockets; the two gaping nose-holes flaring open and closed rhythmically; his grimacing mouth allowing a glimpse of the jagged, bloody teeth inside.
‘Still here then?’
‘Of course I am, Linda. You invited me.’
‘No, I didn’t, Derek. You know it was an accident.’
‘You summoned me, Linda, and now I am your guest until I have done your bidding.’ His pointed fingernails rapped against her cheap plastic table.
Linda sighed. She regretted getting drunk alone, Googling ‘HoW suMMon DeMOn???’ and singing the instructions to the tune of Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.
She looked at Derek, his wizened claws, his fiery, insect-ridden head.
It was nice to have someone to come home to.
‘I’m going to get ready for bed,’ she said, as Derek licked blood off his fingernails with his pointed tongue.
Pushing open the bathroom door, she screamed. In the bathtub lay a half-eaten corpse (specifically, the left side), and there was blood smeared across the floor and up the walls.
‘Derek!’ she shrieked, turning to face the now sheepish-looking demon. ‘You promised you’d only eat normal food here!’
‘Calm down, Linda. You know I tried normal food, and it’s vile.’
‘Yes,’ hissed Linda, aware that she didn’t want any noise complaints from neighbours, ‘but I told you that you’re supposed to add water to instant noodles, you don’t just crunch them. And it’s not my fault you can’t distinguish between an apple and an onion.’
‘Demons don’t have great eyesight, Linda, and nor would you if your eyes were on fire.’
Linda let out an exasperated sigh. ‘You’re the one who moved into my flat and refused to leave!’
Derek stood and took her hand in his pointy-finger-nailed claw.
‘Just tell me what you want. I will make it happen, and I will go.’
Linda sat down. What did she want? Her existence revolved around making questionable life choices and being alone. But somehow it was bearable. Almost.  
‘There is one thing,’ she said.
That night, she sat with Derek, and told him about Jason. Jason, who was apparently twenty, but he looked about twelve. Jason, who somehow became manager even though she had years more experience. Jason, who referred to the checkout bleep as ‘the little bell of success’.
‘Jason.’ She said. ‘All I want is for you to get rid of Jason.’
A plan was formed.
Linda went to work as normal, and she grasped and bleeped and flung. But she didn’t smile once, and let out an audible burp as a customer bagged his shopping.
Jason leapt over the next checkout and was by her side in seconds, asking the usual questions. How could he help her be happier? More efficient? Less flatulent?
Linda, in her best (and only) acting role to date, begged Jason for his help. But not at here, at work. Perhaps he could come to her flat?
It was arranged.
 
Derek hid in the bedroom in case his hell-charred flesh and death-stench gave Jason the idea that something was amiss.
Linda offered Jason a drink. Of course he accepted a tumbler full of whiskey – that’s what people with ambitions drink.
She watched as he became looser, less managerial, less annoying.
He was just a person. Barely even an adult.
He didn’t want to manage a supermarket, he told Linda, his cheeks becoming red from the whiskey and his speech beginning to slur. He wanted to be a musician. He just wanted to be creative, and free. Away from his angry, controlling father, and the suits, and the ‘How To Manage People Without Making Them Want To Feed You To A Demon’ handbook.  
Oh God.
Jason wasn’t awful. He was just as unhappy as she was.
Linda made her excuses and rushed to the bedroom.
‘I’m sorry, Derek, you can’t eat Jason.’
Derek shrugged. ‘That’s okay. I’ve still got half a body in the—’
An ear-splitting scream came from the bathroom.
‘Oh shit,’ she whispered. ‘Jason’s found your dinner.’

As the screams subsided, Derek stood behind Linda as she tentatively pushed open the bathroom door. Jason was sitting on the floor, laughing maniacally, pointing at the corpse in the bath.
‘Jason?’ Linda whispered. ‘I can explain...’
‘Can you?’ Derek murmured.
Linda jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. ‘Jason?’
He continued to snort with laughter, tears rolling down his face. ‘Daddy!’ he spluttered, laughing even harder.
‘That’s... That’s your father?’
‘Yes!’
‘Oh Jason, I’m so sorry, I didn’t... I didn’t know. You weren’t meant to see... Oh God.’
Jason jumped up from the floor, wiping his eyes. ‘Oh Linda, please don’t apologise! This is the best day of my life! He always said I wasn’t a real man, and now look at him! He’s half the man he used to be!’ Jason, delighted by his own joke, collapsed in another fit of laughter.
‘You’re happy your father’s dead in my bathtub?’
Jason stopped laughing and perched on the edge of the bath by his father’s only foot.
‘If you knew him, you’d understand.’ His shoulders slumped as he picked at his fingernails. ‘When I was fifteen, I told him I was gay. Do you know what he did?’
Linda shook her head.
‘He hit me. Broke my nose.’
Linda quietly moved over to the bath and sat next to Jason, putting her hand on his arm.
‘Last year,’ he continued, ‘I decided to leave business school. I knew I wanted to be a musician, I’ve been playing since I was six and I’m bloody good! I finally thought I could stand up to him and when I got home, he was having a bonfire. Do you know what was on the bonfire? My guitar. My music. Everything. Literally everything that’d ever made me happy. Gone. Burnt.’
Linda squeezed his arm. ‘I’m so sorry, I—’
Jason jumped up again. ‘Stop apologising!’ he squawked, grabbing her hand and twirling her around him. ‘You’ve given me the best gift – freedom. I’m going to take my band on tour. I’m going to do all the things I couldn’t do when he was around. I’m going to quit my job – obviously I’ll recommend you for manager, Linda, if that’s what you’d like? And then I’m off! Free!’ He raced to the front door and turned back. ‘By the way, you kept him quiet!’ he said, nodding towards the putrid-smelling demon and giving Linda a sly wink, before twirling out of the flat like a happy tornado.
Linda turned to Derek, tears clouding her eyes, and collapsed into his chest. His comforting claws held her close.
Jason was happy, and she was glad, but now he was gone. Her wish had been granted. The tears began to run down her face.
‘What’s wrong, Linda?’ Derek asked, stroking her hair.
She thought about her life before Derek – lonely. Cold. And then there he was; crunching his way through packets of instant noodles, vomiting slugs onto the carpet, leaving half-eaten corpses in the bath. And all he wanted was to do something, something for her.
She loved Derek!
‘Derek, don’t go. All I want is for you to stay here, with me.’
‘Oh Linda!’ He exclaimed, pulling her even closer. ‘You don’t know how happy that makes me. Since your singing summoned me that glorious day, and I saw you sloshing your wine and dribbling into your lap, I knew you were the woman for me.’
‘But Derek,’ Linda breathed, scarcely able to believe her luck, ‘I asked you to get rid of Jason – now he’s gone, won’t you go, too?’
‘That wasn’t my doing! I wouldn’t have told you to bring him here if I knew I’d eaten his father. No, that was a happy accident. If you want me to stay, my love, then I shall be the happiest demon alive.’  
Linda shivered with delight as he pulled her close and licked her teeth.
Everything does work out in the end, she thought.