The most humorous quotations of 2013

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30 December 2013
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imports_WRI_0-fj55s7co-100000_06795.jpg The most humorous quotations of 2013
The Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations has released its top ten for 2013 ...
The Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations has released its top ten for 2013
ODHQ editor Gyles Brandreth said: 'There are only two British politicians on the list this year and the surprise is that neither of them is Boris Johnson. Boris has been amusing this year, but he hasn't come up with a corker. The only other politician to make the top ten in 2013 is Australian and I don't think he meant to be as funny as he was.'
The top ten is:
Tony Abbott – Australian Liberal politician
No one, however smart, however well-educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom.
Eric Pickles – British Conservative politician
Cheese. Shropshire Blue—it's so high in calorific content you need only rub against it, and that's enough. (On why he is so large.)
Owen Paterson – British Conservative politician
The badgers have moved the goalposts. (On being asked why marksmen had failed to reach the cull target.)
Daniel Day-Lewis – English actor, noted for his ‘Method’ acting
Just on the chance I might one day have to speak on an evening such as this I've actually stayed in character as myself for the last 55 years. (Accepting a Best Actor award at the BAFTAs.)
Virginia Ironside – English journalist
The new five ages of man: Lager, Aga, Saga, Viagra, Gaga.
Mary Berry – TV cook
If a boy goes into a cake shop he will try every cake, whereas a girl will just stick to the one she likes. (On being told that Great British Bake Off presenter Paul Hollywood had left his wife for a younger woman.)
Geoffrey Boycott – English cricketer
There are more brains in a chocolate mouse. (On Joe Root's dismissal in the second Ashes Test.)
Rory Bremner – British impressionist and comedian
To be fair to Kim Jong-un, if I was given a haircut like that, I'd go nuclear.
Vivienne Clore – British showbusiness agent
If you don't give your child a middle name, how are they ever to know when you are cross with them?
Mary Beard – classicist and broadcaster
One can never be too old, too grey or too plain for a gorgeous pair of shoes.


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