10 reasons NOT to date a writer

When it comes to looking for a partner we think about appearance, personality and many other features. However, have you ever thought about dating a writer? It may sound like a minor detail which you brush off when finding out their passion for writing, but what if your relationship doesn't end with a happily ever after?

They may turn you and your relationship into their next best-selling novel! Or maybe things are going well, but they're writing about their dream guy, and you don't 100% fit the prototype. So, we have complied the top 10 reasons NOT to date a writer. 

1. A writer will never give their whole heart

However important you are to them, their writing will always come first. If you ask them to choose between you and their work-in-progress, you might not get the answer you want. In fact, if you ask them anything at all you'll be lucky to get a response beyond, “Sorry, what was that?!”

2. Your most private moments will be turned into stories

There will always be a cold, calculating little part of them that will use anything that happens in their personal lives as material – and that could easily stretch to your memories, experiences and confessions too.

3. Writers always have at least two thoughts in their head 

And you might be surprised how much they can get away with, with only the barest minimum of brain activity for basic motor functions. You will never have their undivided attention because they will always be thinking about their imaginary friends well-developed characters. You’re talking to them about something important that happened to you today. They’re wondering how they can get their psychopath to Malta in a helicopter without giving away who the killer is.

4. Writers are poor

With very rare, attention-grabbing, exceptions, writers do not get rich. Any money they do make is liable to be spent on the bare essentials to support their writing, so don't expect any splashy romantic gestures. And don't be surprised if you end up carrying the financial load.

5. You will be competing for affection with characters who don’t exist

Yes yes, writers create fiction, fictional characters who couldn't possibly exist, but that's exactly the problem. Their heads are full of exotic and exciting people who they've probably spent a long time dreaming up, idealizing and idolizing. Heads. Full. Can you keep up?

6. Do you want to be a Muse?

Best-case scenario: they put you on a pedestal. It’s all very well inspiring great works. But what about when you’ve had a bad day, and you want someone to make a fuss of you? And they tell you how great it is that you make it possible for them to write their great work, before buggering off to do it and leaving you to make your own cup of tea?

SIDENOTE: And are you sure it's you they love, not the Idea of You?

7. If you split up you will find the worst possible version of yourself in the bitter story they write after the breakup

Hell hath no fury like a wounded writer, and the version of yourself you find conjured in their vindictive prose will make you cringe, squirm, and decide never to risk having anything to do with a writer ever again – even if you don’t recognise yourself.

8. Inspiration beats sleep – their inspiration, your sleep

It’s dark, it’s warm, it’s the middle of the night. And then there’s scrabbling in the darkness, the light is flung on, they start frantically scribbling, or tapping away on their phone. Finally, they glance in your direction and notice your murderous expression. ‘I had to get it down in print before I forgot it,’ they say, without apology. You lay awake for the rest of the night, thinking about lump hammers.

9. You will be asked for “honest” feedback

But don't ever give it. ‘What do you think?’ they will ask, showing you their latest work-in-progress. Say the wrong thing and discover in short order that writers are exceptionally good sulkers, with very long memories.

They have notoriously fragile egos at the best of times so best keep schtumm. Unless you can unreservedly tell them it is the best thing you have ever read, keep your thoughts to yourself. Sulky, mardy teenagers seem like joyful companions compared to a writer who thinks they’re not sufficiently appreciated.

10. After their book’s finished they might rejoin the human race for a while, but it’s back to square one when they begin their next writing project

For a few weeks after they wrote ‘The End’ the temperamental, sulky, self-obsessed creative actually behaved like a normal human being. Then, just as you were starting to relax into life with this lovely person, they were gripped by a new idea for a story, and the monster writer, re-emerged.