Author experiences: Writing with chronic illness

Anyone with chronic illness, particularly invisible chronic illness, will tell you that it takes a lot from you. It takes and it takes and it takes, but if you look closely enough, and you have the right mindset, I also believe it can give you something, too (other than a lifetime of pain and doctor’s visits, that is). 

With a laundry list of chronic illnesses diagnosed from a young age, learning how to manage pain became an essential part of my life. From scoliosis to Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Arnold-Chiari malformation, and degenerative disc disease, not to mention a debilitating obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and ADHD, I knew my path would look different from others. 

Life with chronic illness has been far from easy, but it’s also been my greatest teacher. It taught me resilience, patience, and how to persevere through adversity – qualities that became essential when I decided to pursue traditional publishing. 

Over the course of a decade, I faced hundreds upon hundreds of rejections as I queried book after book. But I’d already spent my life waiting – waiting for a day where the pain wasn’t quite as bad as the day before, waiting for surgeries, waiting in doctor’s offices, waiting for test results. Persistence became my greatest asset as I waited for my 'yes' to come.

But even though I was born with a body that decided to rebel against itself, I decided that optimism was a skill I would learned to hone so that I didn’t torpedo down a black hole of misery. 

There were certainly days where anger clouded my sunshiny disposition, days where I had a bad attitude after too many doctor’s appointments or tests. And yet, the older I got, the more I knew that managing my illnesses meant finding new ways to adapt.

Oftentimes, developing those strategies felt like a full-time job. Whether it was learning how to brace myself for a flare-up or pacing my energy to get through the day, I became an expert in trial and error. And along the way, I used tools like positive affirmations, manifestations, mediation, yoga, and prayer to get me through. Success wasn’t about avoiding pain but navigating through it.

And as the rejections kept coming and my dream seemed so very far away, I knew I had to apply those same principles to my publishing journey. I could either let the rejection define me, or I could use it to spur me on. After all, I’d already learned how to get back up after being knocked down, right? 

So, I applied the same trial and error method from my chronic illnesses to my writing career. I revised, rewrote, and started fresh when I needed to. I sought feedback and focused on the only things I could control; my effort, determination, and attitude.

I learned to take the pain (physical and mental) and shape it into something meaningful. It was a way of taking control of something in a life that was often unpredictable. There were days when even the smallest victories like getting out of bed or writing a single paragraph felt monumental. 

That slow, steady progress became my blueprint for tackling challenges that went beyond my health. I began to see rejection not as a reflection of my worth but as part of the process. Each 'no' was a step closer to the 'yes' I was waiting for. And when the 'yes' finally came, I knew I owed so much of it to the chronic illnesses that shape so much of my life. 

It taught me that success doesn’t mean the absence of struggle, it means pushing forward even when the odds are stacked against you. It means turning the pain into something beautiful. It’s about showing up, and conversely, not showing up. Taking the breaks when you need them. Acknowledging when you need to fall back and regroup.

So yes, chronic illness takes and takes and takes. But it can also give. It can give you the hard-fought gifts of patience, resilience, growth, and most importantly of all, hope. Today, when I see my books on the shelf of a bookstore, I don’t just see the finished product. I see the years and years of pain and tears. I see the words between the lines; the ones that tell a story of how those who live with chronic illness build their lives on the bedrock of strength, perseverance, and hope.

Spells, Strings and Forgotten Things by Breanne Randall is published by Aria (Head of Zeus).

Read author Ilana Estelle's account of how writing gave her a tool to understand and manage her conditions here

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